Please Don’t Touch Me

Jim Gaffigan with a piece about being rubbed the wrong way.
Kinda.
He doesn’t seem to care much for massages.
I understand his point of view here, it’s a personal issue of
sorts, such intimacy with a stranger takes a bit to get used to.
Personally I love being pawed like a salmon on Take a
Grizzly to Lunch Day, I find it quite invigorating.
I look forward to my monthly massage therapy so much that I
show up at the session already oiled up, wearing nothing but
a towel and a smile.
Gotta go easy on the lube though, first time I went too heavy,
slid into the drivers side and flew right out the passenger window.
Wouldn’t have been too bad had my towel not stayed in the car.
After a brief explanation the charges were dropped…

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